Most patients just have bad luck, get injured and end up with a trip to the hospital. They slip down some stairs, or trip over a curb, or fall getting in the bath tub. Their history is pretty simple and could happen to anyone. But there are those patients that tell you long detailed stories that end with their injury and why you are meeting usually in the middle of the night in the Charity Accident Room. Unfortunately for them, a dumb ass vaccine has still not been developed.
One such patient presented to the Accident Room hand cuffed to the gurney with multiple gunshot wounds. Luckily for him, none of the injuries were life threatening, but he had a fractured humerus and fractured tibia and several other bullet wounds in his extremities. He was going to need a few surgeries, months of healing, and some jail time according to the New Orleans police officer who was with him. After doing the history and physical and paperwork for hospital admission and surgery, we had a few minutes to talk.
The patient had decided to rob a McDonalds. He wore a long trench coat hiding his shotgun and rode his bicycle to the restaurant. Not sure why you would pick a McDonalds for armed robbery, maybe he was hungry too. He didn’t notice the police car in the drive through line. Also there was a birthday party in the play area and the father of the birthday boy was also a police officer, not in uniform, but carrying his side arm.
As soon as the robbery started, both the officer in the police car and officer in the McDonalds started shooting at him. He ran out and jumped on his bike to make his getaway. He didn’t quite make it. Once he finished his story, I asked, “Did you really think this all the way through?” He said “What do you mean, it was a pretty good plan.” I asked, “But your getaway vehicle was a bike, did you really think that was going to work?” He said “Doc, it was a ten speed.”
I guess if he had a little more time before the shooting started, he could have made it to a higher gear and out run the police car and the bullets.